Friends?

How many close friends do you have right now compare when you were in school?

I guess for most of people the answer is not many. For me, I don’t think I need many friends, but I have to have few good ones.

Part of the reason why is because my busy work schedule, I barely have time to hang out with my close-friend every once a week, so don’t even mention of hanging out with my other friends.

The inspiration of me writing this blog is because the end of my previous relationship somehow cost me loosing couple close-friends, and I have no idea why my relationship has to do with loosing my friends.

I did not want to put my friends in the odd position; therefore I didn’t try to hang out with them while me and my-ex was sorting out the situation.

Later on, after everything was done, I did try few times to arrange lunch or dinners for catching up with the friends. I can not understand why a simple lunch or dinner can be so difficult to be arranged with close-friends and it has been rescheduling so many times and still not yet happening. (Specially, one doesn’t have to work). Stupid me! I am finally started to realize my so call “close-friends” probably don’t really want hang out or even be friends with me anymore. And it’s really “closed” for good! Ha ha ha, very dry! I know!

Honestly, I’m the person says what I feel, not those “fake but nice” people only say good thing at your face and criticizing behind your back. Because of my straight forward personality, I sometimes make enemies instead of friends, and I know it. I just want be true to myself and tired of “pretending”. I think if someone doesn’t feel comfortable to hang out with me just say it. Don’t give out lame excuses to reschedule every time, and I’ll stop bother you, but you have to let me know!!!

Life is too short for this kind of ‘dramatic’ friendship. I did try to step out of the “dramatic behind back criticizing” situation, and that’s part of the reason why I stay away from those friends from time to time. We are all humans, so I understand that kind of thing happens. I did treat all my good close-friends the same, but as the Chinese saying: “One palm can’t make a clap”. I can only do so much to keep a good friendship. If one only enjoys the shallow phony friendship and materialistic life style rather then have a true friend around, and profound conversations, then so be it. I'm not saying I'm a perfect person; I do talk about bad thing behind someone I don’t like as most people do. But again, I just keep the negative comments of my close-friends to myself or tell them when the time is right.

A true close-friend of mine told me not to think too much, because it’s not worth it, it just shows those friends are not worth to have. I agree, but I just feel sad to loose friends… and I knew them for more than seven years….

Bottom line: Sigh…Shit happens.